What I’ve learned about life, and loyalty, and getting fired.

“If there was no money, and everything depended on your moral standard, the way you behaved and the way you treated people, how would you be doing in life?”

I find it so appropriate that when I open my page, the last posting, the one that stands out speaks loudest is, be gentle with yourself. Being consistent, living what I preach, is probably one of the most important pieces of identity. But you know, I’m not ashamed to say I’ve fallen short recently with that part of my identity. I’ve fallen short on being gentle with myself, and believing in beliefs I’ve grown hard to stand grounded in. I’ve been carrying resentment, and worrying about an aspect of my life I have no control over, trying to remember to just let it flow, let it happen as its supposed to, and believe that no matter the turn out it’s going to be okay.

I’ve learned that is a really hard concept to believe in and show up for everyday when life gets tough, and unfair situations happen, but it’s a piece of advice that I encourage and share often, so trying to remain balanced in believing it and living it authentically myself has been a part of me I’ve been working intentionally on to process and grow through. Life is ebb and flow though right? Everyday you must remind yourself, be gentle because you ARE doing the BEST you can. 

“There is ebb and flow. Leaving and coming. Flight and fall. Sing and silent. Reaching and reached..” -Ally Condie

These last 7 months, I have lived my most authentic self to date. 25 has proved to be a strong and shifting year for me so far. I lived strong in my morals and standards for the life I wanted. If I wasn’t comfortable with a placement in my life, a person, a situation, a feeling; I stood strong on both feet, tall and graceful, and I did something about it. I had so many hard conversations; I’ve truly ignored almost all societal exceptions. I started my new job at the restaurant I spent the last 6 months working out, strong in who I was, that I was able to truly let what others in that atmosphere thought of me roll. Not like a, ‘yeah I don’t really care what they think of me blah blah blah, go home at night and obsess about it’, but a true, ‘I never lost a moment of present day life worrying what anyone thought of me’ lifestyle. I knew who I was, I knew what choices I was making in life, I knew my circle of people knew my authenticity, and I just stopped showing up for societal expectations, because they did not fit in my life anymore. I felt safe, and content, and maybe a little irreplaceable. Because I was a good person to myself, and to my people, and to the restarant. And bad things don’t happen to good people, right?

Do the work, don’t live for the applause for people are fickle; today’s flavor might become tomorrow’s poison… Tune out the noise and conflicting feelings and focus on your heart’s desire. Go with the flow…

As many, most, some of you may have heard or read, I recently got fired from the job that as I said above, that good person I’ve grown to be, the irreplaceable version of me, worked for. I showed up for this job that I believed in, and took pride in. Yes, working 50 hour weeks continuously left some room for whining, and a challenging Kelsie, but at the end of each day, I showed up for every shift, under every circumstance, going above and beyond, creating an atmosphere that I believed to be healthy and enjoyable, in a restaurant that as many other restaurants, had a tendency to become dark and ugly.

Lesson one, you are never untouchable, you are always replaceable, that’s okay.

Lesson two, bad situations happen to good people, and that’s okay. 

“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~ Miguel Ruiz

Through this experience, I realized that nothing is constant. Only a handful of people in your life time with truly be trustworthy and loyal, but you should still choose to trust anyway. From this circumstance, I’ve had two choices. And I say choices, because that’s whats it’s been everyday, I have to wake and choose everyday since getting this news of such disbelief, to not be resentful, to not wish unfortunate circumstances of the ones that caused this. To not carry such heavy feelings about a woman who worked there, who I truly considered loyal and trustworthy, and a friend, that delivered the news, with no remorse or concern on her face. Does that mean, because someone I truly trusted who betrayed me deeply, should ruin my ability to trust? Yes, that could absolutely be an option I take, but letting the harshness in this world make you bitter, is my definition of truly becoming defeated. And carrying an every day feeling of defeat, is the worst way to live. I have been living that concept and belief since I was a little girl. Betrayal is not a new feeling to me, but one that I do not allow to waver my belief on humanity, on the goodness in people. 

Can you find that belief for yourself, and if not, what is keeping you from it?

“I dont wan’t anyone to ever put himself or herself in a box of, “I lost my second chance!” Because life brings ebb and flows, and if you miss out on this second chance, guess what, you’re going to get another one if you decide that you’re ready to have one.” -Bob HarperIMG_0179

For the last 8 days, I’ve battled with resentment, harshness, a “I’m a good person, why did this happen to me?” feeling, depression, and some serious burst of excitement for the break I’ve needed. I’ve learned there isn’t always lessons in the bad in life, that sometimes it just happens to teach you how to let it roll, how to remain graceful and soft, and keep moving forward. Harboring negative energy is much easier to do than I thought, and I have to spend more time than I ever imagined praying for those feelings to be let go. Bad circumstances will forever affect good people, that is just how this life of ours works…

so ask yourself, what would you allow a bad circumstance make you become?  

This excerpt from Mirth and Motivation is beautiful about the peaks and valleys..

All of life is about movement. We have moments of peace and ease, a few ripples in the waves, and moments of turbulence or breaking waves. The turbulence is like a bump in the road that reminds us to buckle our seat belt, reach for inner strength to weather the storm, and remember a shift of events eventually comes. We wake up every day and focus our energies on our responsibilities and our dreams;  there is an expectation of reciprocity; that life and others will reward us for the good that comes from our actions. Sometimes we reap the rewards of our labor immediately – we gain something, and sometimes, there is a waiting period that might/might not come – we lose something. Often, grace is in the doing; that we have done our work is its own blessing and everything else is the bonus our actions have attracted. Go with the flow…

“We have tried everything to get rid of suffering. We have gone everywhere to get rid of suffering. We have bought everything to get rid of it. We have ingested everything to get rid of it. Finally, when one has tried enought, there arises the possibility of spiritual maturity with the willingness to stop the futile attempt to get rid of it and, instead, to actually experience suffering. In that momentous instant, there is the realization of that which is beyond suffering, of that which is untouched by suffering. There is the realization of who one truly is.” ~ Gangaji

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