I can tell that things aren’t right, and that you’re really not fine.
I know you’re hurting, you’re breaking. you’re unhappy.
but I need you to stay strong and pull through.because things will get better, and life does go on through it all.
these moments of sadness, or true despair, are only here to show us how wonderful the good moments in life are.
how beautiful the growth through the hurt is. .
While sharing conversation with someone I care a lot about, who’s suffering, I was able to communicate and find peace through realizing that we all suffer through the dark periods. We all are humans, and life’s heartaches can sometimes feel like a slow painful unbearable process. But it’s about who we become through the dark periods, the routines that we put into place, that makes the dark periods mean something.
For the past two years, life has truly been high peaks, and deep flat valleys. It’s no secret to myself and for the people closest to me, that I handle sadness and lows bad. Real bad. I cave, I shut down, I become unrecognizable. It’s a scary version of me, even more so because I do it in hiding. I suffer alone
“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.”—Bernice Johnson Reagon
So here I am to share with you, vulnerable pieces of me that I hope you can connect and grow from.
Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says, “I will try again tomorrow.”
No matter how beautiful life feels at this moment, and how invincible you feel, the tides are ever changing.
Do you have a system in place for when your tides change? For when your peaks become valleys?
I never did. And it left me laying on the floor devastated, defeated one too many times. It left me running to wherever my heart felt it could beat a little slower one too many times.
For two years, chaos consumed me. Very beautiful periods, of love of acceptance of bliss, followed by deep lows. I wasn’t set up to handle the highs or the lows. I was off balanced, I was chaos. I felt too much in every situation, the good and the bad.
I was like a pin ball bouncing all over the place, sometimes scoring and hearing the buzzer of success, sometimes slipping through the cracks, feeling the deep disappointment of starting the game over.
It wasn’t until this last bit of chaos, that I realized enough was enough. I shared conversation with enough people to realize putting a routine in place was necessary to be successful through the highs and the lows.
“Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.”—Earl Nightingale
The two year cycle started with getting my heart broken deeply and unexpectedly (the best way of course), losing my grandmother, losing the ability to connect with my mother, all in the same week. It was my darkest period, and I went into hiding. I handled the dark as dark as possible. I stopped eating, for weeks. I stopped showing up, to my friends, to myself. And as soon as I felt I had picked myself up and dusted myself off, the chaos would engulf me again. I rebounded time and time again to handle the heartache. I numbed the pain with substances. I ate like shit in place of not eating. For years this is how I handled. Not accepting the guidance right in front of me, and in hiding.
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”—Maya Angelou
Until I had a conversation that changed my perspective.
“Times are dark, why don’t you throw yourself 115% into obsessing over good alternatives like you have been with bad alternatives until the good becomes a reality?” A simple line right? But did that line ever changed my life.
I started throwing myself into cooking. into working out. into going for walks. into showing up for my friends even on the days I had no energy to be emotionally present. it wasn’t easy, it was anything but easy. doing good takes so much more energy than making bad choices. i promise you that.
but that mindset has changed me. that doesn’t mean the dark times don’t still creep up to me. that doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t feel heavy, days on days sometimes. but i refuse to go into hiding. i refuse to not show up for myself. i refuse to eat like shit. to lay around. to let is consume it. it consumed me for years, never again will the darkness win.
When I wake up with the sadness these days, I do yoga. or go for a walk. I keep my mind clean of the negative that comes from the darkness. I make myself good food to fuel myself. I surround myself with positive influences . I keep my circle healthy and positive, so that when the darkness creeps up, i’m ready to face it with a support and not alone. I read good subject matter. I listen to music that inspires me. I write. I do anything and everything that makes me feel whole. It’s not easy, it takes work. But I would rather put this work in than crumble with every low. Because lows are never ending. But that’s what makes life beautiful.
Practice kindness. An abundance of kindness. Do not let life’s harshness make you bitter. Make you mean. Be kind to everyone. That kindness will continue to keep you gentle.
“The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. For every challenge encountered, there is opportunity for growth.”—Unknown
through transitions, through heartbreak, through death, through endings, through new beginnings. what routines do you have in place to remain balanced? to handle the sadness, the darkness, in steps; letting it consume you enough to grieve, and then enough to push you onto the next chapter waiting for you?
“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.”
Its so important to remember: you can not just pray during the darkness. You must pray through the good times your higher being gives you as well. The same concept goes to practicing living a healthy lifestyle. You can not just practice being healthy when life is hard, you must make it a lifestyle through the good and bad.
If you don’t learn this concept, you’ll forever miss the point and remain off balanced.