The beauty in pretend.

First and foremost, thank you all for being interested enough in my journey to want to continue through it with me! It’s been a wild three years, and I am really looking forward to sharing the highest of high and the lowest of lows with each of you! I am going to focus the majority of my first posts on my backpacking trip through Thailand, because as I prepared for my trip I spent countless hours reading travel blogs on Thailand, and really struggled on putting together a general map for my trip. The blogs I read, I found struggled to clearly explain different routes and places to visit in a short time frame. I want to cover my travel path, and several different paths people I met along the way took, to make a trip to Thailand smooth and effortless for you, if you decide to take a leap as I did and go! I will cover the highs and the lows of the trip, the money I spent, the places I laid my head at night, and everything in between. I will also share some juicy details, that I haven’t even had the pleasure to share with my closest friends yet! Sorry ladies,but you’ll know soon enough!

The two questions I have gotten the most since I have been home, “You booked your trip 5 days before you left, how did that decision come about?” and “Whats’ next?”

Addressing the first question, I must begin with emphasizing the reality in Social Media making a life look flawless and painless. Finding inspiration in beginning this blog, I spent some time looking back at my instagram, an app that allows you to instantly see the life of a person and look into  the parts of them that are the most beautiful, and couldn’t help but think, “Wow, I was falling apart through so many of these pictures, but an outsider would never had known.” I think that is incredibly important to remember. While you may look at someones life, through Social Media or through stories you hear from others, you never truly know what a person is battling. I want this to be an awakening, that no matter how much your heart hurts or how hard the world feels at that moment, that should never stop you from leaping. If anything, it should make you leap even harder. And that is exactly what I did. My soul was aching, my energy was draining, and I was no longer a person I recognized, so I leaped. But if you looked at my Social Media, you would never known that was the motivation behind it all.

I spent the last six months, living in a resort town, in a life many dreamed of. I heard so often, Kelsie, you’re living the dream, but I couldn’t help but want to scream at the top of my lungs, this is not my dream. I was the healthiest and happiest I had ever been in Philadelphia, the time leading up to my move to the resort town. Slowly but surely, I began losing pieces of myself, until the days leading up to my travels to Thailand, I was a person I didn’t recognize. Making reckless decisions, hurting the people I cared about the most, not sharing the warmth I possess in my soul to anyone, let alone to myself. My remarkable relationship was ending, and I was swept away by my unrecognizable inability to communicate with a man I loved. It felt like there was no where else to turn, other than to go into the world with my heart open and my mind clear to find the part of me that I truly lost. Traveling has always been an element of my life that takes my breath away and has always left me feeling rejuvenated. I quit a job that truly gave me anxiety going to everyday,and finished my two weeks with another job I had been doing for many months, that left me feeling hopeless too often, and decided I needed an escape, maybe even one would say, I needed somewhere to run to. A reality I didn’t realize I was doing until I finally settled into my trip and realized my heart still ached, and my soul was still bruised. But we’ll get there in later postings! Thailand is breathtakingly beautiful, cheap, and a complete different world than the one we live. It was an easy choice to book the trip, and the best decision I could have made. I was in the lowest of lows, and experienced the highest of highs there, so its safe to say now,  I am evened out again. Completely balanced.

The next question, and everyone’s favorite: “What’s next Kelsie?”

I’m currently not working, living back in a town I said I’d never move back to without so much of an idea of what’s next, but you know what? I haven’t felt this much contentment in a long time. I am spending time with the people that mean the most to me, and I am figuring out what will truly make my soul thrive for the times ahead. I am not jumping into anything, and I’m not making any irrational decisions based on the pressure I feel to have a career now that I’m finished college. I am walking through life right now, something I  haven’t always been the best at doing. Furthermore, I have an army of people behind me supporting, nourishing, and keeping me on track, one of which who’s become a soul sister to me, and inspired me with the line, It’s not what’s next, but what’s now? 

You are being guided. You are being led. I say that a lot because I need to hear that a lot. The more I hear it, the more I believe it. The more I believe it, the more I see it. There are times when life flows along, when it’s easy and natural to believe we’re being guided. But there comes a point in any journey, even the most magical of trips, when we look around and say “I don’t know where I’m going.” We have no plan, we’re short on ideas, and we’re numb of vision. We’ve gone as far as we could see. Now is the time to practice what we know. Trust. Let go. Stay as peaceful as you can. Stay right here in the present moment. Sharpen your tools- your intuition, your inner voice, your consciousness, and your awareness. Do the little things, the small actions that appear right, the things that are right before you. Feel your feelings. Move through the fear. Wrap up in self love. 

Then let the journey unfold. Trust that you are being guided and led.

Excerpt from: Journey to the heart.

One thought on “The beauty in pretend.

  1. Keep the words coming Kels! You are a beautiful soul and I’m so sorry you were hurting before! I’m glad to know things are improving:)

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